The Ebb and Flow of Student Ministry

Have you ever caught yourself saying, “It was going so well, but now our numbers have dropped. What happened?” Asking these questions is perfectly normal. It happens to just about every student minister (or pastor for that matter). This is what I call the ebb and flow of ministry.

Although everyone deals with the ebb and flow of ministry, I am going to deal specifically with student ministry. I will talk a little bit about why it happens and then I will suggest some of the best way that I know how to combat it. So let’s get started!

What causes a Student Ministry to Ebb?
Most of the time an ebbing or dwindling in the number of students in your ministry is a combination of a bunch of little things rather than one big event. Some of these things are unavoidable—like graduating senior going off to college. Some are common but should be combated—student’s who leave because of clicky teen groups or teen drama.

The last three reasons that a student ministry can ebb are the most heartbreaking:

1. Students can’t commit to coming to church on a regular basis or don’t like the conviction they feel when they are at church. So they quit.
2. Major conflict in the church and the whole family leaves. This could be conflict between two groups of parents or between the parents and the church staff or even between two groups of students. Whatever the situation, there may be students and possibly whole families who leave even if everything that can be done is done to resolve the situation.
3. Students get tired of the hypocritical behavior of the student minister and/or his family. Sadly, I have seen this happen before. Sometimes the student minister is the culprit and sometimes it’s his kids or both. It can be particularly hard on a youth group if the youth minister has teen kids who are angels at church but mean and malicious to students at school or in the community and the youth minister does nothing to stop it.

What can You do to Sustain the In-Flow of Students in your Ministry?
Yes, much of what we just talked about it out of your control. No, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have any effect on it or the outcome of the situation. We talked about three major reasons that students leave a student ministry so I want to talk about three of the best ways I know to bring students into a student ministry and to keep them there.

1. Teach the Word. Don’t be afraid to go deep. I was reading the statistics the other day and the student ministries who have the most retention of students and dedicated students are the one who are digging deep into the Word. You will still have the students that will show up once a month and you will have the ones who quit because this isn’t their cup of tea, but the students who are hungry for the Word will stay.
2. Encourage group unity and a place where students will be accepted. I dealt with a lot of rejection and being made fun because I have always been a big guy so I have a particular passion for making students feel accepted. We try to do activities where students are forced to mingle and get to know each other. I don’t allow students to call each other stupid or to make fun of what another student is wearing. If I hear it’s happening, I deal with it. I will go to the student responsible and talk to them. It’s hard and I am not always popular but it helps maintain the unity. The youth group maybe the only real family some of these students have.
3. Live what you Preach. Don’t expect students to do what you are not willing to do. If you don’t want them to cuss don’t cuss. If you want them to have higher entertainment standards don’t watch rated R movies or listen to music with inappropriate lyrics. If you want them to witness to their friends and bring them to church then you would be doing the same with students and with your adult friends too. If they don’t see you living up to the standards you are imposing on them then they won’t respect you and they won’t stay for long no matter how many Xbox 360s you might have in your youth room.

Post your ideas for maintaining a student ministry in the comment section. I would love to get feedback and new ideas. Share some with me below.

It could always be worse!

Right now I am having tremendous problem with my back. While it is not the worst pain I have ever felt with it, it still enough that lays me up that I cant go anywhere or do anything. It is very frustrating. I am very frustrated. Well, right I am not because I just spent some time with the Lord and He says:

"It could be worse"

And how right He is. Right now even in my own world there is: 1. My pastor is facing life changes due to diabetes, almost lost his foot, still not out of the woods and is having to be in a wheelchair for who knows how long! 2. One of my favorites students just lost his great grandmother, is being shunned by his immediate family and faces another life change with meeting his other family he has never met before two weeks ago. 3. my former music minister is dealing with recurrence of cancer, all new treatments and meds 4. a friend told us of her friend that was put in a coma due to seizures and 5. one of the lovely ladies of our church is facing knee replacement at a senior age.

"It could be worse"

When this happens I am always tempted to be selfish. to throw a pity party. to worry. with is stupid because not only is worry a SIN but stress and worry makes my back worse. I am not facing any major crisis. I KNOW that i will get better and be back to my obnoxious self soon. I know the Lord will take care of the ministry if i am not there. I KNOW all this stuff.

"It could be worse"

I don't know if anyone will read this. Maybe it was just for me to get it all out. I know this doesn't have to do with ministry except for the fact that all ministers face tests, pain, suffering, stress and problems. so rest in the fact that the Lord is in control He will handle it.

John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world"

"It could be worse"

The Numbers Game

Just got back from youth night at our Fall Revival. Here are my thoughts.

You would think after almost 15 years in student ministry the number of students that show up for an event wouldnt get to me. But tonight it sure did. We have had this youth night for the revival planned for the longest time. Real simple. FREE PIZZA and a more youth friendly service. The student drama team had a drama that was awesome and the students were excited to get kids there. 72 was thier goal.

So all afternoon I kept messages via text, facebook etc that their friends were backing out and some of the regulars weren't even coming. So by the time I left for church I was convinced no one was going to come. I spent the good first 45 minutes of the time there sulking and stressing about students showing up.

Dont get me wrong. My heart was in the right place. I wanted so many students to come. To see lives changed. To see God's power move. But I let it get to me. You think after this much time I realize that God is going to bring exactly who He wants to bring there. The numbers are up to Him, not me.

I won't get into the numbers, but we had more show up then we usually have on a wednesday night. We had 9 new students and alot of parents of our regulars who arent believers came. SO that was awesome. Then the Lord slapped me silly when we had 2 salvations and 1 rededication. Man was I humbled. It reminded me of a important lesson I needed to learn again.

Luke 15:10 (New International Version)
"In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Praise the Lord for tonight.

Am I only the youth minister?

I have come to find that most churches break their staff into sections. Or ministries if you may. There is the pastor, associate pastor, Music, children’s and youth. Maybe there is also senior adults, education, missions etc. Everyone has their respected area of focus. The question, I wonder, is when does the areas overlap. And how much say do each staff member get in the overall vision and direction of the church?

First I want to say, that whatever the vision the pastor has for the church, my ministry (students) should fall in line and compliment that vision. You cannot take the student ministry in total opposite of your pastors. The thought here is, does the pastor and the pastor only decide what is best for the church and the vision? I am blessed that I have a pastor that takes a more team approach and likes input from all staff members. But there are some that only go with what the Lord tells them, and think that each minister should just stay in their "area" or ministry.

I think that if you dichotomize yourself and only stay in your bubble then you are missing out on extra blessings. My ministry has always tried (and failed) to help all the ministries of the church where it can. In the children's ministry, our church would not survive VBS if not for the youth that are working. In the music ministry the students help play in the band. When all the ministries come together and work as a team. The whole church does great things. Its not just the youth. the pastoral stuff. the music. Its all parts working as one.

College Students are in Charge! YIKES?

This past Wednesday night I got a call that my grandmother was ill and my grandpa thought we should make a trip to go see her. She is better now, thank goodness. But here is what I learned from this.

We have a philosophy here in our ministry that we let the college students stick around the ministry after they graduate high school. We called them College Help and there are certain standards that they are asked to uphold to be there. High standards that push them to be mature. We spend a lot time training our students when they get the junior/senior years of High School about how to be leaders and how the ministry is ran. Some of them are going into ministry, some are not.

So by time they graduated out HS, they are involved in most aspects of the ministry. This can range from leading worship, giving testimony, being in charge of projects, and some old fashion gopher work. But we train them, we invest in them and we push them. Why do we do this?

The obvious reason is that it keeps them accountable. Keeps them focused and continues their growth in the Christian walk. But with what happened with us on Wednesday, another amazing aspect shines. They know how to run things. Our college students, while we were gone: Did it all. The worship, the games, the set up, the speaking, the prizes, ALL OF IT. They were equipped and ready to go. It pays to spend the effort and time training them for this. Has it been tough? YES. Do they fail? YES. But when they succeed? AMAZING.

I am very proud of them. They did great job. It took off a lot of stress. There are a lot of student ministries out there that remove students as soon as they graduate. If it is done right. Done with organization and hard expectations. Then having them stick around is a WIN-WIN-WIN situation. For you, them and the ministry.

Cardinals Game = Ministry???

Is student ministry strictly for inside the church walls? Having grown up in a split family and not living with either parent. I came to realize that LOVE is often spelled TIME.

Last night I got the chance to take one of our 7th grade students to a Cardinals game. It was the first game he had been to in 3 years and the last time he sat way up high in the nosebleeds. Our seats last night were two rows behind the bullpen. He loved the improvement. Throughout the game I had the joy of watching him just have a blast. He never stopped smiling, he was doing all the cheers (CHARGE!), booing the Brewers, cheering the Redbirds. It was an honor to just see the excitement. It got me thinking.

You know, we only see these students maybe 7 hours a week if we are lucky and they come to everything they can come to. 7 hours! If you think that you can effectively reach and disciple a student in 7 hours a week you need to rethink your ministry. Jesus modeled the fact that He spent a tons of time with his disciples. Living with them, traveling with them and of course teaching them. You have to spend time with students outside of church. You need to take the extra step and be in their lives.

This student’s joy was contagious. It made me digress back to being in 7th grade. Then I only I got to go to one game a summer. In some ways it was more special than being able to go more now. The next thing I knew I was doing all the cheers (everybody clap your hands!), I was booing the brewers and when Holliday hit the 3 run homer the lead, we both went crazy!

I go on about how this student’s home life not the best. How, at 12 yrs old, he is stressed out all the time. But the point of this to realize that I spent a good 6 hours with him yesterday. A lot of talk was about baseball, sure. But there was also plenty talk about home, church events coming up, and just plain encouragement. When Franklin struck out the final batter and fireworks went off. The joy that he was showing, the happiness, the stress free feeling. THAT is ministry. I loved every second of it.

SPEND TIME WITH STUDENTS OUTSIDE OF CHURCH!

How to Give Students Advice.

In view of my last post it got me thinking. Students may not always listen to advice. Many may push that advice in one ear and send it out the other. Still, what is the best way to give students advice? They always need help, they always ask for help. What is the best way to do it? Trust me, I am not an expert at all but I offer some pointers:

1. Don’t do it all the time. Trust me. When a student feels that all your relationship is about them sitting there and you telling them how to live. They tune out very quick. You need to build trust with a student first. Spend time with them. Why would someone want to take your advice if you have shown no interest in their lives? Pick your times. Even if that student is asking for advice, it may not be the right time to do it then. Pray and get back to them later.

2. Avoid answering quickly. Let them get everything out before you speak. Even asked them what they want for you. Ask them if they want advice at that moment. Sometimes they realize or you realize that what really is going on, is that they just needed to get some stuff off their chests. If it is a real serious issue. NEVER be afraid to tell them that you want to take some time to pray and see what the Lord says about this issue. Never give into the pressure that you have to answer right then and there.

3. Use personal experiences. Students relate more to you if you are being real with them. Don’t be afraid to open up and share your own mistakes and failures. They need to see that you can relate too. If the topic they are needing advice, and you cant relate to, then guide them to an adult who may have had that struggle. For example, I have never had trouble with alcohol. So I help them find advice from a strong believer who can help them.

4. If you are over head. Admit It. You are not perfect. You don’t know everything. Especially everything about the Bible. If you don’t know the answer, never be ashamed to say that you need to research the topic some more and get back to them. Never give wrong advice because you are embarrassed by lack of knowledge.

5. Don’t get defensive back. Students, especially emotional ones, have a tendency to get very defensive, angry when you push them to a higher standard. If you have the same tendency (like I do!) when they start to attack, don’t attack back. It becomes an endless cycle that helps no one. Be patient with them. Stay Calm. Stop and pray if it gets out of control. But keep the focus off the anger.

I hope this helps. They don’t always listen. But we need to keep trying to push our students to higher standards. We must not give up. We must stay focused on the end results of their walk. (thanks Gene!)

Students Can't Handle the Truth.

I would be a rich man. I would have so much money in the bank. If only I have gotten a quarter for every time that I had a student tell that they want to grow in their walk with Christ and wants help, only to push away that advice and help. Only to respond with anger, lies, selfishness and ultimately sin.

Teenagers are famous for only thinking about what is in the here and now. Famous for thinking on what they “feel” at that moment. Rarely can a student get pass the tunnel vision and see a bigger picture in their lives. No matter how much they think they want the help they need to make it as a follower of Jesus. Ultimately very, very, very few of them can handle it. When you actually tell a student the Truth that they need to hear. When you actually tell them the hard things they need to do. You are met with a range of responses. One response that isn’t there? Thankfulness.

Proverbs 12:15.
The way of a fool seems right to him,
but a wise man listens to advice.

Are teenagers fools? Well according to the above verse. ANYONE who does not listen to advice, is a fool. I have come to the point in my life to where I am very thankful of the people in my life (past and present) who have had the love, yes LOVE, to tell me things I needed to hear. Even when they knew I wouldn’t be happy to hear it. Look what it says. The way of fool seems right to him. When you wear blinders on your eyes and refuse to see past what you want. Life is not good. Teens can be very good at convincing themselves of what God’s will is because they feel so strong about it. Emotions can be very deceiving. The clearest that I have heard God speak to me are the times that I was extremely not emotional.

BUT a wise man listens to advice. I truly believe that students today really do want advice, they do want help. But they want the advice that will agree with what they already want. Teens are also very good at surrounding themselves and seeking advice from people that will not push them, not disagree with them. A person that truly cares for you tells you the hard truths. A friend isn’t someone who tells you “Well, if you feel good about it, then do it” Someone who has your best interest at heart tells you “Well, you really don’t need to do that.“ Students can’t handle the Truth. They say they want it. But they, well most of them, can’t handle it.

Bottom line: A fool does their own thing. Wise people listen to advice.

The First BLOG!

Well. For years people in my life have been telling me to write a book about Student/Youth Ministry. Now 13 years into it, I still feel that I am in no way the right person to tell people how to do student ministry. Yet, people keep on telling to write about it. So, thanks to my duties as a great husband, my wife and just saw the new movie Julie and Julia. My wife (a very wise woman) encouraged that if I did not want to write a book maybe I should start small and write a Blog. So here we are.

I will strive be open, honest, vulnerable and helpful in this blog. Will anything come of it? No idea. Will I start this and then ultimately lose interest? I don't know. All I do know is that I have been on a roller coaster ride in my years in Student Ministry. I have had some incredible highs and some incredible lows. I have seen students do things that blew my mind, both good and bad.

My heart has been extremely blessed and my heart has been extremely broken.

My hope would be that the people out there that might read this will be blessed. I think I have some good ideas for Student Ministry. Especially for those out there trying to start up a ministry. Even though I have my degree from Southwest Baptist University and am a Ordained minister, I dont know everthing. My hope would be that people would see the love that I have for students and for my Lord in this blog. Some of my standards in life will offend my fellow ministers and maybe some of my students but that is ok. I strive to a life that is Holy and Set Apart. I fail all the time.

None of this blog is to be taken as the right answer or a quick fix. It is only my outlet to see I really "know" anything about Student and Youth Ministry. If I come across conceited or close minded that is not my goal. This blog is about Surviving Student Ministry. Which, after 13 years, I am still trying to do. I am currently the Youth Minister at Villebrooke Baptist Church in Hazelwood, MO.

A special thanks needs to be said to all those who have encouraged me over the years to write about Student Ministry. So thanks to Darren, Bob, Kenny, BJ, COMER, Dan, Jingle, Troy, Chad, Jackley, Grubby and My lovely bride and best friend.

I have made it this far. Here goes...something?.....